Kansas: Not as backward as you think.

Today I ramble! I talk about states, and nursing, and Mommy-monsters.

It would stand to reason that in a state that evokes mental images of rolling plains, miles of nothing, lots of cows, and sheltered farm kids who have never seen anything of city life, we would be a little more than shocked to see a mother nursing a baby in public. And it seems like in Michigan, where many of my friends live, it would not be as big of a concern. Michigan is, after all, more densely populated (which tends to make some things go unnoticed), and it's also more...progressive, I guess is the word I'm looking for here. Except it isn't.

I have nursed my children at parks, restaurants, work, church, and a college graduation (not mine). My friends who have tried anything similar have been asked to leave the establishments they're in, or to go into a bathroom, or the car, etc. (At least, for parks and restaurants...I didn't ask about church or graduations.)

It surprises me, because Kansas always has been and always will be more conservative than Michigan. Before I moved to Flint to go to college, I envisioned the whole of Michigan to be like Detroit, which I had seen when I was younger on a trip to Niagara Falls. (We covered a lot more ground than that, but the Ambassador Bridge was why we were in Detroit.) I thought it was a sprawling city, full of busy people and loud conversations.

It was the middle of my first semester, when one of my friends invited me to her hometown for a weekend, before I saw my first Michigan small town. It was another two years before I went camping in the Upper Peninsula.

My Michigan born-and-raised husband, on the other hand, always believed Kansas was boring and featureless. Imagine his surprise when he discovered the county I grew up in is one of the wealthiest in the nation, and is also starting to succumb to urban sprawl.

Anyway, back to my initial topic. It surprises me that I can break out one of the girls in public here, and nobody even looks up; and in Michigan, which is supposed to be more liberal and relaxed about such things, people panic when a mother covers up her shirt with a blanket, because there's only one thing that could mean...THERE ARE BOOBIES UNDER THERE.

Bad news, sports fans....they're always there.

Kathryn Blundell of Mother and Baby UK Magazine recently published an article called "I Formula-Fed. So What?", which claims she thought the idea of breastfeeding to be "creepy" and ultimately decided she couldn't be bothered to breastfeed because she wanted her body back, along with the ability to start drinking again. (Couldn't find a link, if you know where one is please let me know.)

(Please don't contact her. I'm sure she's heard more than enough abuse for her words.)

She claims she did it for all of the formula-feeding mothers who are feeling oppressed by the breastfeeding mothers with a superiority complex. But the fallout has been imaginably severe. The breastfeeding elitists have cried foul, because they are NOT the majority and should not be portrayed as such because they're not having everything shoved in their faces.

Some of the formula-feeders are crying foul, because for them, they had no choice.

Those of us who could not manage to nurse exclusively for however long we're supposed to are crying foul, because we kind of have no place we belong. Sure, we mostly nursed, but we occasionally gave our babies a bottle, and that kicks us out of BOTH clubs.

One of my friends and I have something of an interesting history as far as our children go. She has a son who is about a month older than my son. She has a daughter about a month older than my daughter. She formula-fed her babies, while I nursed mine. I would not dare to judge her for her choice, and I will never ask her what made her choose.

Feeding a baby, no matter which route you take, is difficult. Breastfeeding needs to happen at awkward times. It's uncomfortable. It leads to leakiness and smelliness. You'll be lucky if you never get bitten. Formula feeding, on the other hand...you have to figure out which one works with your baby the best. And since there's so many choices out there, that could take a while. Not to mention the money you stand to waste if your baby has a reaction to one of them.

Here's what I think needs to happen, even though it never will:

Mothers need to stop judging one another. Everywhere. At all times.

This means: No more picking at each other for how we each feed our babies. We have our reasons for nursing or not nursing, and we're not interested in discussing them.

No more picking at each other for the clothes we buy our kids. I may never buy my daughter frilly dresses, nor my son a sweater vest, and you may never buy your kids Harley Davidson shirts or onesies with the AC/DC logo on it along with the words "For Those About To Rock...", but our kids are all cute, and they're all individuals with something worthwhile to contribute to society.

No more elitist Mommy cliques around the soccer field. And this one is aimed at myself as much as it is the people around us growing up. We never played any team sports, so my mother was always kind of left behind by the other mothers there. But now, I live in a town where my children have the potential to be the "rich kids" just because my husband and I are both lucky to have good jobs. And I will have to remind myself that financial standing does not mean a thing.

Seriously. Raising children is not a competition. Our reward for raising good children is not a medal or a trophy or the right to gloat around other parents. It's knowing that we've raised kids who can stand on their own two feet and contribute something good to this world.

And just speaking from watching my children and the others that are their age--and I have seen ALL KINDS--I am excited to see what the future holds.

Whoo. Sorry for the long post. / soapbox