So the day before I left for vacation, a television fell on a four-year-old in my hometown and killed him.
About an hour after arriving at our destination, I found out the four-year-old was the son of one of my friends.
Losing a child...always seems like one of those things that happens to other people. And heaven forbid, if it happens, it's like being stuck in some awful Lifetime movie until it hits you, every so often, that it isn't a movie, it's your life.
His mother donated his organs. He's a hero, just like he wanted to be. But still, I would give a great deal to be there for her tomorrow, to give her a hug and tell her that the best approach is to take things minute by minute, and if you need fifteen minutes to go somewhere and cry, that's fine.
When my son was stillborn, it took a therapist to tell me something that sounds cheesy, but it has new meaning for me. He told me, "It's okay to be okay."
I never understood what that meant until I was faced with something like this. It means that, two weeks later, someone's gonna tell a joke, and you're gonna laugh, and everyone's going to look at you like you're about to crack. Like maybe they think you have already. But you haven't. And nobody should ever feel like it isn't okay to smile, and if it ISN'T okay to smile, then that dumb SOB shouldn't have been trying to make you laugh in the first place.
Just saying.
I know this post is over five years old at this point, but I only just found your blog. I am sorry about the loss of your friend's son as well as the loss of your baby son. I, too, had a stillborn child. I named her Dorian. I am glad that the therapist helped you to be okay with being okay. Twenty-two years later, I still remind myself that my baby girl is safe in Heaven where no harm will ever come to her. I do not have that peace about my surviving children. She is safe and and well and with Heavenly Father, and with my Grandma Spence who got to Heaven 3 months before she did.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said about the jokes. If a person doesn't think it is okay for you to laugh at them, they shouldn't be telling them around you!
Many blessings to you and your family.
Dorian is a lovely name. I'm sorry you went through it too. My Ian would be eight years old now, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.
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